Embracing the Paradox

A German-American poet/writer whose life was riddled with controversy, alcoholism, violence, and abuse reminded me of self-care.

Ironic? Not really. Let’s get into it.

As the universe would have it, an old friend reminded me of a Bukowski quote that goes “Some lose all mind and become soul, insane. Some lose all soul and become mind, intellectual. Some lose both and become accepted.”

I love this quote and it’s served me as reflective piece for…a very long time.

Imagine a world where self-care is mirrored through endless scrolls of perfectly curated images – spa retreats, lavish meals, picturesque vacations. This is the illusion social media has now woven, a deceptive labyrinth that equates self-care with material indulgence.

Feels like a distorted mirror, right?

In the real narrative of self-care, it’s discipline that emerges as the unsung hero. It’s the quiet, daily choices that often go unnoticed – eating healthy, sleeping well, exercising, and setting boundaries. This aspect of self-care doesn’t seek applause or social validation. It’s a personal commitment to oneself and a steady path that takes you to lasting well-being. So, self-care, in its truest form, is an act of balancing the mind and soul. It involves the discipline of nurturing both our mental faculties and our spiritual essence.

Yoga and Meditative Movement practices are journeys into the depths of our being. They teach us to be present, to listen attentively to the needs of both our mind and soul. Through practice we learn to embrace our insanity – our soulful, unbridled passions – and our intellect, our reasoned thought, finding a middle ground that fosters true self care.

The journey to reclaim self-care is akin to a hero’s quest, one that requires us to break free from the illusions cast by society. It’s a quest to find authenticity in our practice and to focus on what truly nourishes our mind and soul, rather than what garners social approval. It’s not about conformity; it’s about finding your unique balance, much like the nuanced balance between mind and soul from the opening quote.

If you’re wondering how someone like Bukowski kicked this post off, a figure whose life was marred by controversy and stands a stark contrast to well-being – seemingly indifferent to discipline; it’s lies in the contradiction itself.

So, what does it boil down to?

It’s multifaceted, the concept of self-care. I think it’s a balance between mind and soul, discipline and indulgence, conformity and rebellion.

I invite you to ponder your own self-care journey. Reflect on how it aligns or diverges from societal norms, and consider what the balance means to you. Embrace the practices that resonate with your personal needs, be it tough disciplined routines or unconventional methods.

Remember, the path to genuine self-care is about finding harmony within your own unique life story.

Another quote that’s served as a reflective piece for me from Bukowski is: “we are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us”. This one’s my favourite and at one point in my life, I had “make Death tremble” written on post-it notes for a daily reminder.

Beyond The Surface: The Practical Guide to Integrating Discipline and Indulgence in Self-Care

Reflecting on the unexpected insights from Charles Bukowski in Part 1, let’s dive deeper into the essence of self-care through the lens of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). This approach will serve as our compass and guide us towards discipline, authenticity, and a holistic sense of well-being. There’s compelling evidence of MBSR’s transformative impact on health, quality of life, and social functioning from de Vibe et al.’s (2017) piece so we’ll use that as the primary evidence for our exploration.

Before we continue though, I think it’s important to note that there’s an ancient term from Sanskrit that is the foundational principle of mindfulness and concentration here in the west, and it actually paves the way for a deeper understanding of MBSR’s core teachings. The term is: Dharana, it refers to the practice of training the mind to focus intently on a singular point or idea.

Created in 1979, MBSR is primarily associated with contemplative psychotherapy. MSBR has been defined as “an approach to the treatment of stress and pain developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center by psychologist Jon Kabat-Zinn. MBSR combines mindfulness meditation, body awareness, and yoga.” (Wedding and Corsini, 2019, p. 634)

MBSR is grounded in mindfulness training, and it’s shown to have “moderately large effects” on mental health outcomes, personal development, and self-reported mindfulness post-intervention compared to inactive controls (de Vibe et al., 2017). So, the practice itself nurtures the mind and it resonates through the body which reduces stress and enhances your physiological health. Some consider MBSR to be the major key to unlocking our fullest health potential (for the DJ Khaled enthusiasts, that reference was unintentional and I laughed to myself when I realized it).

MBSR challenges you to forge a path that transcends societal expectations and advocates for a self-care journey that is deeply personal and reflective of your true self. So, mindfulness is, in a way, a rebellion against conformity, and a radical act of self-love/authenticity. It’s here, in your true self, that you find well-being, not in material success and external validation.

Personally, I have a bias for MBSR because, as an intervention, it reflects lessons I learned as a child from my elders. Often, these elders discussed the importance of mindfulness and physical exercise to combat distress. My maternal grandfather’s voice still echoes in my mind occasionally, saying “sah leh la”, meaning “take a breath”. As a personal note, it’s been many moons since his passing and I have been finding that recently, I’m beginning to forget the sound and tone of his voice in normal conversation, but that line, along with a few more life gems – feel like a permanent imprint. The realization of forgetting his voice, adds fuel to the urgency of which I’m putting out information of old teachings.

I’m also somewhat biased against the intervention because it doesn’t acknowledge or credit the eastern philosophies, that it’s clearly centred around, enough. Search “MBSR and Eastern” in an academic database and let me know if you find anything beyond what I mention in this post. With that said, Weilgosz et al. (2019) did affirm in their paper that the origin of mindfulness meditation is rooted in eastern mindfulness practices, particularly Buddhist traditions. Quick Google search shows that he’s a behavioural research scientist and licensed clinical psychologist so I count that as a small win.

With that, here’s a short guide that I put together, good luck and do hard things.

The Guide

Understanding the Balance:

The awareness piece that MBSR offers us becomes the foundation that we build our self-care routine on, which harmonizes discipline and indulgence. In this context, discipline refers to the structured practices and routines that we maintain for our well-being, like mindfulness meditation, healthy eating, and a consistence physical activity. Indulgence, conversely, are the moments we allow ourselves to freely enjoy life’s pleasures without guilt, whether it’s savouring a piece of dark chocolate (70% with a hint of peppermint for me), basking in a leisurely morning, or engaging in a favourite hobby.

Cultivate Awareness:

1. Begin by dedicating a few minutes each day to mindfulness meditation. Use this time to ground yourself in the present, observe your thoughts, your breath, and any sensations that you may feel in your body. Do it without judgment. This practice alone sharpens your awareness and makes it easier to recognize your body’s need at any given moment – be it discipline or indulgence.
2. Before eating, take a moment to appreciate your food. Whether it’s a prayer or just giving thanks to whatever you’re consuming, unless it’s heavily processed food, it was very much alive at one point. Eat slowly, and savour each bite, noticing the texture and flavours, then pay attention to how our body feels. This approach can transform eating into a form of indulgence that’s mindful and satisfying, while also creating discipline with what and how much you consume. You’ve likely heard it before but it’s worth repeating, food is fuel for your body, and nothing more. The purpose of it is to nourish your body’s needs, honour the food that you consume.
3. Mindful movement, my favourite. Be it yoga, running, walking, lifting, climbing, gardening, or cleaning, engage in physical activities with full awareness of your body’s movements and sensations. It enhances the experience AND it solidifies the act as a disciplined part of your routine that you indulge in for its inherent joy and benefits.

The Balancing Act:

1. Scheduling. Allocate time in your schedule for both disciplined practices (like exercise or work) and activities purely for enjoyment. It’s the intentional planning that’ll help with overindulgence in one area at the expense of another, and it’ll foster a healthier balance of the two. Then stick to the schedule, I recently heard someone on social media say that the professional sticks to the schedule and the amateur lets things get in the way. I believe it – aside from universal interventions, sticking to the schedule is what sets you apart and aids in your rebellion to true self-awareness, self-care, and self-expression.
2. Listening. Use mindfulness to “tune in” to your body’s needs, there’s wisdom in it and like Anondea Judith (2004) wrote in Eastern Body, Western Mind – “the body has an intelligence whose mysteries the mind has yet to fathom” (p.55). Here you’ll discover that you might need the discipline of a structured routine to feel centred, and other times you may find that the indulgence of a relaxation or leisure session may be necessary. Deep listening allows you to respond wisely to what’s within.
3. And last, have a non-judgmental approach. As you’re navigating the balance between discipline and indulgence, do so without self-criticism. Being mindful teaches us to see our choices without judgment and to learn from the experience with compassion and openness.

Reflect and Recalibrate

Make it a PRACTICE to regularly reflect on how well you’re maintaining the balance – are you feeling nourished and energized or are you drained and unfulfilled? A recalibration is natural and a necessary part of the process, as your circumstances and life evolve. Remember that the goal of integrating discipline and indulgence through MBSR is not to adhere strictly to predefined rules, but to cultivate a responsive approach to self-care that honours your unique journey towards well-being.

Embracing mindfulness empowers you to navigate life’s many balancing acts with grace and awareness, and it deepens your connection the universe in and around you.

With love,

Gurmukh ✌🏽

References:

deVibe, M., Bjørndal, A., Fattah, S., Dyrdal, G., Halland, E., & Tanner-Smith, E., (2017). Mindfulness‐based stress reduction (MBSR) for improving health, quality of life and social functioning in adults: a systematic review and meta‐analysis. Campbell Systematic Reviews, 13(1), 1–264. https://doi.org/10.4073/csr.2017.11

Judith, A. (2004). Eastern body, Western mind: psychology and the chakra system as a path to the self. Revised. Berkeley, Calif., Celestial Arts.

Wedding, D., & Corsini, R. J. (Eds.). (2019). Current psychotherapies (11th ed.).Cengage.

Wielgosz, J., Goldberg, S. B., Kral, T. R. A., Dunne, J. D., & Davidson, R. J. (2019). Mindfulness Meditation and Psychopathology. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 15, 285–316. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-021815-093423