Disrupt the Mental System

Whether we realize it or not, we are bound by invisible shackles – mental, emotional, and societal systems that dictate how we think, feel, and behave. Left unchecked, these forces may impose limiting beliefs that shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions to conform with our environment.  This blog is part of a three-part series on how to break free from this “Conformist Armour.” In the first part of our series, we’ll explore how to take an act of rebellion and break free from your mental shackles. Part 2 and 3 will cover the System of Emotions and the Societal Systems, respectively.

The Mental Shackles

Perhaps the most challenging shackles to remove are those influencing our thoughts. To understand the mental shackles, we must embrace the fact that our thoughts and beliefs can either empower us or hold us back. Limiting beliefs, ingrained from childhood or societal conditioning, create mental barriers that prevent us from reaching our full potential. To disrupt these mental shackles, we must first understand and recognize them.

Reflecting on my own journey, I can pinpoint instances where the internalized belief that I needed to conform to societal expectations and to find acceptance in it. This chapter of my life, that I now call my Conformist Armour, limited my potential and distanced me from my values. For those that know me personally, this may come as a bit of a surprise, considering that I’ve always been seen as someone who marches to the beat of his own drum. This added a layer of difficulty for me to navigate because it wasn’t the big stories that left a mark on my conformist armour, it was the constant “little” ones.  

I recall many moons ago, lying in bed at a staff house in rural Alberta. Paramedics who picked up shifts but lived outside the community stayed there, and most of us did. It was an older house with thin walls, and during one exhausting shift, the house was full—four ambulance folks in a two-bedroom house with one shared bathroom. Deciding to hit the sack early while the others watched The Simpsons. I could hear the show playing through the thin walls. I recognized the familiar characters of the goofy and loveable Homer, his rebellious son, Bart, and, the owner of the local convenience store, Apu. Although I loved watching The Simpsons growing up, I’ve always had an issue with its depiction of Apu. He was depicted with exaggerated features and a heavily stereotyped accent that wasn’t accurate by any means or, in my opinion, respectfully represented South Asians. While I lay in bed, I soon overheard my white coworkers in a room away mimicking Apu’s voice and laughing, howling even, at the sound of Apu’s accent. The natural thing to do, right? Wrong.  

Of course, I had experienced racism before, much of which may never be shared in story form, but that night left an indelible mark on my armour. You see, I grew up surrounded by people with a Punjabi accent. It was drilled into me at a young age that the Canadian accent was “neutral” and any voices that sounded different from this gold standard of an accent were not only seen as different, but somehow inferior and, downright wrong. As I weighed my options to confront the pathetic attempts at harmful humor, I realized it was safer not to say anything. Maybe, on some subconscious level, I was ashamed that I was associated with such an accent that my white coworkers thought was laughable, the butt of the joke. Instead, in the following days, I began to participate when I heard it, attempting to remove its power. However, I soon realized that more people from the same demographic began participating.

Limiting beliefs often manifest as negative self-talk or automatic assumptions about what we can or cannot do. They are usually based on past experiences, expectations, or fears. If you find yourself thinking “I am not good enough,” “I can’t change,” or “I don’t deserve success”, then you have discovered a limiting belief.

The limiting belief that I created for myself from that time was that I needed to tolerate discriminatory behaviour to gain acceptance and it distanced me from my values.

Challenging the Status Quo

Once you have identified a limiting belief, it is on you to gather the courage to rebel. When I need to get into a rebellious state of mind, I draw inspiration from the founder of Sikhi, Guru Nanak Dev Ji. Guru Nanak Dev Ji was a radical thinker and a revolutionary. In the 15^th century, when the caste system and religious rituals dominated the Indus Valley, Guru Nanak Dev Ji advocated for equality and a direct connection with the Universe/Divine. Today, his courage to rebel against conformity continue to teach and encourage us to question and transcend societal limitations.

Steps to Disrupt the Mental System

Overcome your limiting beliefs by taking small, rebellious steps away from your conformist armour.

Try this:

Step 1: Awareness

Start with becoming aware of your limiting beliefs. Awareness is the first step towards change. Acknowledge these beliefs without judgement.

• Activity: keep a journal for a week, noting any negative or limiting thoughts that arise. Reflect on patterns and triggers.

Step 2: Reframing

Challenge these beliefs by reframing them. This involves replacing negative or limiting thoughts with empowering ones.

• Activity: for each limiting belief that you’ve identified, write a corresponding empowering belief. For example, “I’m not good enough” becomes “I am capable and deserving of success”

Step 3: Action

Taking action is imperative in overcoming limiting beliefs. This means stepping out of your comfort zone and proving to yourself that you can change

• Activity: Choose one empowering belief to focus on. Set a small, achievable goal that aligns with this belief. For example, if your empowering belief is “I can run 5 kilometres”, then lace up your shoes and lean forward more while walking.

So, friends, reflect on ONE mental shackle that you want to challenge. Embrace your rebellious side and take action. Challenging mental shackles requires doing hard things, questioning the status quo, and embracing a rebellious spirit. If you are so bold, you’ll foster personal growth and create space for compassion to flourish.

In the next post, we’ll explore how to disrupt emotional shackles and cultivate emotional resilience.

Disrupt the System of Emotions

Whether we realize it or not, we are bound by invisible shackles – mental, emotional, and societal systems that dictate how we think, feel, and behave. Left unchecked, these forces may impose limiting beliefs that shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions to conform with our environment.  This blog is part of a three-part series on how to break free from this “Conformist Armour.” In the first part of our series, we explored how to take an act of rebellion and break free from your mental shackles.

In the second part of this series, we explore how to break free from emotional shackles. These patterns, often rooted in past experiences, can dictate our reactions and relationships. Lets dive into this abyss and look into how disrupting these patterns can lead to emotional resilience and a level of inner peace.

The Emotional Shackles

Understanding our emotional shackles requires us to understand that emotional patterns can keep us stuck in cycles of fear, anger, or sadness, and inhibit our ability to experience true joy and connection. To disrupt this system, we must recognize, understand, and transform these emotional patterns.

Reflecting on my own emotional journey, I realized I had a pattern of reacting with anger and deep sadness when I felt criticized for choosing a life that resonated with my essence and was contrary to societal/cultural norms and expectations. It was through mindfulness and restructuring that I began to see the criticism as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal mark on my character. This mind shift changed the outlook on my relationships, and eventually allowed me to respond in a way that felt aligned with my nervous system.

Recognizing

Identifying Emotional Patterns: emotional shackles often manifest as habitual reactions to specific triggers and common patterns include:

• Reacting with anger or frustration to criticism

• Feeling unworthy or undeserving of love and success

• Avoiding emotional intimacy due to fear of vulnerability

Reflection Exercise:

Take a minute to reflect on your emotional responses. When do you feel most triggered? What patterns do you notice in your emotional reactions? Write these down and consider where they originated.

Cultivating Inner Peace

Kung Fu Panda is one of my all-time favourite movies, so much so that we actually named one of our turtles after Master Oogway, the tortoise. There’s a scene in the movie when Master O is talking to Po, the panda. The Master says – “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called, the present”. This mainstream wisdom takes me to my early teachings of the meditative remembrance of Oneness, through a practice called Naam Simran. The practice itself helps to overcome negative emotions and develop a level of tranquility in the mind – none of which can be achieved until you’ve truly entered the ever present now.

Applying this practically means incorporating a regular meditation practice into your routine. If the word “meditation” is intimidating, then just sit and notice. Use it as a time to connect to your inner self and release negative emotions.

Steps to Disrupt the System of Emotions

Step 1: Start noticing with mindfulness. The practice of mindfulness involves you becoming aware of your emotions without judgement. This awareness is the first step towards change.

• Activity: practice mindfulness meditation. Spend a few minutes each day observing your thoughts and emotions without trying to change them. Simply notice them and acknowledge their presence.

Step 2: Restructure. Cognitive restructuring involves challenging and changing negative thoughts patterns that contribute to emotional distress.

• Activity: When you notice a negative emotional response, pause and examine the thought behind it. Ask yourself if this thought is true and if there is another, more positive way to view the situation. Write down what you find.

Step 3: Healing. Healing emotional wounds often requires processing their past experiences and releasing pent-up emotions.

• Activity: engage in therapeutic practices that resonate with you. This could be something like journaling, exercise, or emotional release techniques (EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques).

Step 4: Cultivate Self Compassion. This involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during times of distress and difficulty.

• Activity: Practice, practice, practice. When you feel strong emotions, speak to yourself as you would a dear friend. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way.

To my South Asian people, if you weren’t taught to speak kindly to yourself or your emotions weren’t acknowledged – practice more, lots more. You know better, do better.

So, friends, reflect on one emotional pattern that you want to challenge. Embrace your rebellious side and take action. Disrupting the system of emotions involves embracing self-compassion and mindfulness. It’ll foster emotional resilience and allow us to create a compassionate inner world.

In the next post we’ll explore how to disrupt societal shackles and embrace authenticity.

Disrupt the Societal Systems

In the final part of our series, we focus on beginning to break free from societal shackles. Hopefully by now, you’ve noticed that much of The Conformist Armour is based on the invisible – and societal expectations are no different. Much of the hidden influences in our life can shape our behaviours and aspirations. For us to understand the societal shackles, we have to wholeheartedly acknowledge their existence and that they can stifle our creativity/individuality – leading us to live lives that don’t resonate with our true selves.

Disrupting these shackles requires us to find the courage to live authentically.

Reflecting on my own journey takes me back to a story of an interview, where I was thanked by a “superior” for not using myself as a weapon. His implication was that my identity and presence were inherently threatening. The experience made me realize how much I had conformed to fit into societal expectations, even when they contradicted my true self. It took me years of unlearning to live beyond the societal norm and feel aligned with my inner world. I’ll admit that it wasn’t easy, it was incredibly challenging actually, but once I embraced the uniqueness I found on this path, I felt more aligned with my passions and my values.

Recognizing the Societal Systems that Influence your Life

Societal norms often manifest as pressures to conform to certain behaviours, career paths, or lifestyles. Many of us have experience these norms when:

• pursing conventional career paths despite personal passions;

• adhering to cultural or familial expectations that conflict with your essence; or

• suppressing individuality to fit in with societal standards

Reflection Exercise:

Reflect on societal norms that influence your life. What expectations do you feel pressured to meet? How do these norms align or conflict with your essence? Write the thoughts down.

Pursuit of Truth

Socrates, the classic Greek philosopher, was renowned for his commitment to questioning and challenging societal norms. In ancient Athens, he used his method of dialectic questioning to encourage critical thinking and challenge the status quo. It was his refusal to conform to the prevailing beliefs and practices that eventually led to his trial and execution. But his legacy as a pioneer of authentic living and intellectual freedom endures.

This is not to be confused with the generally accepted eastern views of living in flow and looking for compromise. There isn’t much research out there about dialectical reasoning in different cultures, but an argument by Ho (2000) nails it: dialectical thinking for non-euro-centric cultures should be thought of as “metacognition that leads to revealing hidden implicit contradictions, striving to resolve them, and bringing the thinker to a more complex level of understanding of the problem” (Veraksa, Basseches, and Brandao, 2022).

Applying this practically may lead you to think of social impact, community service, and standing up for social causes that align with your values. Embrace your identity and contribute positively, if it helps to think of the concept of seva (selfless service), do so, and let it be a guide.

Steps to Disrupt the Societal Systems

There is no singular way to break free of societal shackles however, here are three steps that you may want to take into consideration:

Step 1 – Embrace:

• Find authenticity by aiming to live in alignment with your values, passions, and beliefs, even if they go against expectations.

• Activity: Reflect on your core values and passions. Write down what truly matter to you and what makes you feel most alive. Identify areas in your life where you NOT living authentically.

Step 2 – Connect:

• Find your sangat and surround yourself with supportive individuals who encourage your growth and authenticity. Community and connection are essential for maintain the strength to challenge societal norms.

• Activity: Seek out communities or groups that share your values and interests. Engage in meaningful conversations and cultivate supportive relationships

Step 3 – Create:

• Channel your creativity to envision and create a life that aligns with your values. This might involve making bold choices and taking risks.

• Activity: Visualize your world as if you were connected to it on a level that brings peace to your nervous system. What does it look like? What steps can you take to move towards that vision? Create a plan and lean forward into it.

A recent trip to Disneyland reminded me of my love for Star Wars, and it was there I remembered the rigidity of the Empire. A mantra that stayed with me that week was “rebel scum, have more fun.” Daring to live involves questioning the status quo which leads to disrupting societal shackles and ultimately takes you to a place of personal growth and a sense of harmony that will radiate.

Here’s your final call to action, lean forward and disrupt. Embrace your rebellious side and take action.

With love,

Gurmukh

References

Ho, D. Y. F. (2000). Dialectical thinking: Neither Eastern nor Western. American Psychologist, 55(9), 1064–1065. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.9.1064

Veraksa, N., Basseches, M., & Brandão, A. (2022). Dialectical Thinking: A Proposed Foundation for a Post-modern Psychology. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 710815. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.710815