Preparing the Heart: A Guide for Speaking with Loved One about Alcohol Use

Purpose: this guide is for anyone who feels the nudge to speak to someone they love about their alcohol use. It offers prompts to reflect before the conversation and helps prepare your heart to speak with care, courage, and clarity.

1. Ground Yourself In Intention
   1. Ask yourself: Why do I want to have this conversation?
      • Am I coming from a place of judgement, or a place of love and concern?
      • Is my intention to shame or control? Or to open space for healing?
      • How can I embody Seva and Simran in this dialogue?
   2. Practice: before speaking, take a moment for breathwork or Ardaas. Go inwards and ask for guidance, strength, and compassion. 
2. Reflect On The Emotional Waters
   1. Ask yourself: what emotions come up for me when I think about their drinking?
      • Do I feel anger, fear, sadness, helplessness, or shame?
      • Where do I carry this in my body?
      • Am I trying to “protect the family image” or truly reach the person in front of me?
   2. Understand: naming our own emotions softens reactivity and builds self-awareness before entering the conversation
3. Anticipate Layers Of Resistance And Silence
   1. Ask yourself: what might stop this person from hearing me?
      • Are they deeply ashamed, defensive, or unaware?
      • What fears might they have? (e.g., Will they think I’m attacking them? Will they shut down?
      • What might I do to create safety, not threat?
   2. Tip: Choose a time when emotions are calm and there is privacy. Consider saying, “Can we talk? There’s something in my heart that I’ve been carrying.”
4. Practice Language That Opens, Not Closes
   1. Use “I” statements and observations rather than accusations.
      • “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more lately, and I’m worried” rather than “You always drink too much”
   2. Tip: Speak with love. But don’t avoid the truth.
5. Set Realistic Hopes, Not Heavy Expectations
   1. Ask: What outcome am I attached to? What can I let go of?
      • They may not admit anything, they may get angry or shut down, or they may be quietly relieved that someone noticed. 
   2. Remember: Your role isn’t to fix them. Your role is to open a door. Healing, if it happens, will be a journey. 
6. Stay Connected To Your Own Support
   1. Ask: Who is holding me while I hold others?
      • Do I have someone I trust to talk to? A friend, elder, counsellor?
      • Am I carrying too much alone?
   2. Tip: You deserve support too. Community healing includes you.
7. Final Reflection
   1. Ask: What does courage look like for me today?
      • Courage might mean speaking. It might mean staying soft. It might mean pausing to listen. It might mean setting boundaries with love. 

One honest, heart-led conversation can ripple through generations. You may not see the impact right away, but you planted a seed. That’s sacred work. 

Pages: 1 2